I feel like yahoo is our new stepdad and we don’t like him yet
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
ok, new theory. maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us
well maybe we would sound so bad if some people didn’t try to play with big meaty claws
what did you say, punk?
WELL THESE CLAWS AIN’T JUST FOR ATTRACTING MATES
BRING IT ON OLD MAN, BRING IT ON
no people let’s be smart and bring it OFF
OH SO NOW THE TALKING CHEESE IS GONNA PREACH TO US
If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.
This is perfect.
red white and blue are the colors of freedom until they’re flashing in your rearview mirror
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
Color My Inbox (don’t be a bitch, just send me one) :)
Deep Red - I’m in love with you.
Red - I love you.
Pink - I think you’re cute.
Blue - You’re amazing.
Rose - You’re pretty
Purple - You’re hot.
Plum - I would fuck you.
Violet - I would date you.
Aqua - I could stay on your blog for hours.
Lavender - You are my tumblr crush.
Orange - I want to get to know you.
Tangerine - We have a lot in common.
Amber - I wish you would notice me.
Cream - I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
- me: why isnt my pizza done yet?
- mom: it's been in for only 3 minutes. just wait
- me: I DID MY WAITING
- mom: oh god, not again
- me: TWELVE YEARS OF IT
- mom: every time
- me: IN AZKABAN!
There is nothing more refreshing than that first bong rip of the day.